Sharing and Acting on Group Sex Fantasies: Gender and Sexual Orientation Differences

Sharing and Acting on Group Sex Fantasies: Gender and Sexual Orientation Differences

I surveyed more than 4,000 Americans about their sexual fantasies for my book Tell Me What You Want and I found that group sex was one of the most common things that turned people on, regardless of their gender and sexual orientation. While threesomes were the most popular form of group sex, they were just one of many kinds of group activities that people fantasized about.

In the book, I talk at length about why group sex is such a popular fantasy and what people’s general experiences are like sharing and acting on it. However, when you dig a little deeper into the data, it turns out that the way things go when people share and act on group sex fantasies differs depending upon their gender and sexual orientation. So let’s take a closer look at those results.

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Seven Fascinating Facts About Sexual Fantasies

Seven Fascinating Facts About Sexual Fantasies

I surveyed 4,175 Americans from all 50 states about their sexual fantasies for my book Tell Me What You Want. Participants were asked to describe their favorite sexual fantasy of all time, as well as report on how often they fantasized about hundreds of different people, places, and things. They were also asked extensive questions about their personalities, sexual histories, and demographic backgrounds. The results are a treasure trove of information about what it is that turns us on and why. Here’s a sneak peek at seven of the most fascinating things I found:

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The Deeper Psychological Meaning Behind Your Sexual Fantasies

The Deeper Psychological Meaning Behind Your Sexual Fantasies

When we hear or read about other people’s sexual fantasies, we have a tendency to focus our attention on the specific act they describe, such as a threesome or bondage, and the physical sensations that go along with it. However, our fantasies are much more complex than this and, often, they go well beyond a desire for purely physical gratification. It turns out that we’re often seeking to meet deeper psychological needs through our fantasies, too. And depending on what your needs are at a given moment, you might very well be drawn to different types of sex fantasies.

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What I Learned From An Afternoon With Two 77-Year-Old Sex Workers

What I Learned From An Afternoon With Two 77-Year-Old Sex Workers

As part of the study abroad course I’m teaching on Sex and Culture in the Netherlands, I booked us a tour of Amsterdam’s Red Light District with the famous Fokken twins, Louise and Martine. The Fokken sisters have been employed as sex workers for over a half-century and the day we met just happened to be their 77th birthday. In addition to answering our questions, they talked with us about what it’s like to be a sex worker and how they’ve seen the business change over time. Here are a few of the most interesting parts of our conversation:

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From Friends With Benefits To Threesomes, How Single Americans Feel About Sex (Infographic)

From Friends With Benefits To Threesomes, How Single Americans Feel About Sex (Infographic)

How many single adults in the United States have had a friends with benefits relationship? How many are open to the idea of having a threesome? And what do they think the characteristics of both good and bad sex are? For a look at the answers to these questions, check out the infographic below, which reviews selected results from Match.com's eighth annual Singles in America survey. This survey featured a large, demographically representative sample of single people living in the US who were surveyed about their sexual attitudes. 

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Experiences With BDSM And Group Sex Among Friends With Benefits And Romantic Partners

Experiences With BDSM And Group Sex Among Friends With Benefits And Romantic Partners

Do people engaged in casual, “no strings attached” sexual relationships engage in similar sexual activities compared to people in committed romantic relationships? There is some research to suggest that the answer is yes, at least when looking at relatively conventional sexual practices. For instance, in a 2014 study I published on this subject, I found no differences in experiences with kissing, mutual masturbation, oral sex, vaginal intercourse, and anal intercourse when comparing people who had a friend with benefits (FWBs) to those who had a romantic partner [1].

However, we didn’t inquire about participation in less conventional sexual activities, such as BDSM and group sex. It’s possible that we might see different engagement in these activities based on relationship type, given the fact that these relationships--romances and FWBs--tend to differ in terms of both sexual exclusivity and sexual communication [1].

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How Many Americans Have Had A “Social” Sexual Experience? (Infographic)

How Many Americans Have Had A “Social” Sexual Experience? (Infographic)

When we engage in sexual activity, it's usually with just one other person. Sometimes, however, people engage in “social” sexual experiences in which multiple people are involved in some way. These social sexual activities include everything from visiting strip clubs to participating in threesomes and orgies to attending sex, BDSM, and swinger parties. The prevalence of these social sexual experiences is something that, until now, we haven’t really known that much about. However, a new study published in the journal PLOS ONE offers some insight derived from a recent nationally representative US sample. Check out the infographic below for a look at the numbers and some of the key takeaways. 

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What Does the Ideal Threesome Look Like?

What Does the Ideal Threesome Look Like?

Most of us—men and women alike—have been turned on by the thought of a threesome before. Indeed, study after study has found that this is one of the most common sexual activities people fantasize about.

Surprisingly, though, we don’t actually know all that much about what people want when it comes to a threesome. Why? Because the questions included on most sex surveys to date have been pretty generic, as in: “have you ever fantasized about having a threesome?”

Questions like this obviously leave out a lot of important details, such as who the other two people are. Are both of them of the same gender, or different genders? And do you know them personally, or are they strangers?

It turns out that who’s participating makes a big difference, according to a new study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior.

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Sex Question Friday: Is It Normal To Fantasize About Your Partner Having Sex With Someone Else?

Sex Question Friday: Is It Normal To Fantasize About Your Partner Having Sex With Someone Else?

Every Friday on the blog, I answer people’s questions about sex, love, and relationships. This week’s question comes from a female reader who wanted to know the following:

Is it normal behavior to masturbate while thinking of your partner with someone else? My partner of 6 years cheated on me with a female friend of mine, who tried coming on to me two days prior to their sexual escapade. I knew this woman was bi-sexual, but I don't swing that way. Or so I thought, since then I have been masturbating to the thought of the two of them having sex. Is that normal?”

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What I Learned By Attending A Sex Conference

What I Learned By Attending A Sex Conference

This past weekend, I attended the annual meeting of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS). Although I have been a sex educator and researcher for quite some time, I had never been to an actual sex conference before this and, honestly, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. However, I am incredibly glad that I went and I will definitely be returning!

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Reader Survey Results: How Do You Feel About Non-Monogamy?

Reader Survey Results: How Do You Feel About Non-Monogamy?

Results from The Psychology of Human Sexuality’s second Reader Survey are in! Today, we will be taking a look at your views on the subject of consensual non-monogamy (i.e., relationships in which both partners consent to allowing each other to have sex with outside partners).

Let’s begin with a look at the overall sample.

 

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A Top Ten List of Women’s Sexual Fantasies: Zac Efron, Fire Fighters, Batman, And More

A Top Ten List of Women’s Sexual Fantasies: Zac Efron, Fire Fighters, Batman, And More

A few weeks back, I posted an article about how men’s and women’s sexual fantasies differ. As I mentioned in that piece, women’s fantasies typically contain a fair amount of emotional and romantic content. In addition, their fantasies usually aren’t as sexually explicit as men’s and are less likely to feature multiple partners. To explore women’s fantasies in a bit more detail, I have prepared a Top Ten List of Sexual Fantasies that women have anonymously submitted to me over the years. You’ll notice that a number of the fantasies do include romantic imagery. However, you’ll also find that women sometimes fantasize about the same things as men, with occasional mentions of sexy celebrities, masked superheroes, and threesomes. Enjoy!

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A Top Ten List of Men’s Sexual Fantasies: Football, Threesomes, Star Wars and More

A Top Ten List of Men’s Sexual Fantasies: Football, Threesomes, Star Wars and More

I recently posted an article about how men’s and women’s sexual fantasies differ. As I mentioned in that piece, men’s fantasies tend to be sexually explicit, frequently include multiple partners, and often express themes of dominance and submission. To demonstrate some evidence of this and explore men’s fantasy content in a little more detail, I have prepared a Top Ten List of sexual fantasies than guys have anonymously submitted to me over the years. As you’ll see when reading this list, threesomes are (not surprisingly) perhaps the most commonly desired scenario. However, you’ll also notice that men’s fantasies frequently include trying new things, breaking social taboos, and combining sex with their true loves: football, food, and Star Wars. Enjoy!

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How Do Men’s and Women’s Sexual Fantasies Differ?

How Do Men’s and Women’s Sexual Fantasies Differ?
A few weeks back, I posted a Top 10 List of Sexual Fantasies, which contained a set of fun fantasies people have anonymously submitted to me over the years. As you read through the list, you probably found that it was easy to identify which fantasies were written by men (e.g., “Hot tub filled with whipped cream, pudding, and multiple blondes) and which were written by women (e.g., “We're out for a drive in the country and it starts to rain. We pull into the driveway at home and my partner pulls me into the barn, where we make love on a bale of hay as the rain continues outside”). A few fantasies were more challenging to place, but the majority of them were pretty simple because they largely conformed to gender stereotypes. So is this typically the case when it comes to sexual fantasies? Are men's and women's fantasies really that different?
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