Why Sex Should Be About Having Fun Instead of Achieving Goals

Why Sex Should Be About Having Fun Instead of Achieving Goals

A lot of people approach sex in a goal-oriented fashion, thinking that there are certain things they need to do or “achieve” every time. High on this list is the idea that everyone is “supposed” to have an orgasm each time they have sex. So pervasive is this idea that some people do not even categorize certain sex acts as sex unless an orgasm occurs. Moreover, some people see a lack of orgasm (even if it only happens once or on rare occasions) as an inherent sign of sexual dysfunction.

This view of orgasm as essential not just to the definition of sex, but also to people’s idea of successful sex creates something sex therapists have termed the orgasmic imperative.

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This Sex Position Increases The Odds Of Simultaneous Orgasm For Men And Women

This Sex Position Increases The Odds Of Simultaneous Orgasm For Men And Women

As a sex researcher, I’ve learned a lot about what it is that people fantasize about when it comes sex. In many of the fantasies I’ve heard, something I’ve noticed is that people— especially heterosexual men and women—often describe a scenario that results in simultaneous orgasm. The idea of climaxing at the same time seems to be appealing to a lot of people, so is there anything you can do to increase the chances of it actually happening in real life?

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The Danger of the Orgasmic Imperative

The Danger of the Orgasmic Imperative

Many people are under the impression that all of us are “supposed” to reach orgasm each and every time we have sex. Indeed, when an orgasm does not occur, some people do not even categorize what just happened as sex, because sex without orgasm is often viewed instead as foreplay or “messing around.” As some evidence of this idea, research finds that college students are less likely to classify a given act as “sex” to the extent that orgasm doesn’t occur [1]. That said, others may interpret a lack of orgasm very differently, with some seeing it as a “dysfunction” or a sign of a sexual problem in need of fixing.

This view of orgasm as essential not just to the definition of sex, but also to successful sex creates what has been dubbed the orgasmic imperative.

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Sex Question Friday: Is Simultaneous Orgasm Possible For Straight Couples?

Sex Question Friday: Is Simultaneous Orgasm Possible For Straight Couples?

Every Friday on the blog, I answer people’s questions about sex, love, and relationships. This week’s question comes from a reader who wanted to know the following:

“Is it really possible for a guy and girl to reach orgasm at the same time during sex, or is that just a pipe dream?”

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Sex Question Friday: Should You Expect Your Partner To Orgasm During Sex?

Every Friday on the blog, I answer people’s questions about sex, love, and relationships. This week’s question comes from a reader who wanted to know whether it is reasonable to “expect” an orgasm from your partner every time you have sex.

Is it normal for women to expect orgasm (ejaculation) during intercourse from a male partner? And is it natural for men to expect orgasm during intercourse from a female partner?

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