Four Things You Can Do To Keep Passion Alive And Boost Sexual Satisfaction

Four Things You Can Do To Keep Passion Alive And Boost Sexual Satisfaction

How does sexual satisfaction change over time in a relationship? The good news is that scientists have found that it increases. The bad news is that this increase only occurs throughout the first year—and then it typically starts dropping after that. 

 We are, of course, talking about what happens on average. There’s certainly a lot of individual variability, which means that some people buck the trend and find that their satisfaction either remains high or keeps going up. 

So let’s say you want your sex life to stay on a positive trajectory. How do you ward off that decline in satisfaction that so many of us seem to experience? Here are four science-backed tips for keeping passion alive and improving your sex life. 

Read More

4 Uncommon Sexual Fantasies And What They Mean

4 Uncommon Sexual Fantasies And What They Mean

I have been studying the science of sex for the last ten years. During that time, I’ve learned a lot about what turns people on, from the vanilla to the kinky. 

Just when I thought I’d heard it all, I embarked on a study of sexual desire that ultimately became the largest and most comprehensive survey of sexual fantasies ever conducted in the United States.

Read More

What Your Sexual Fantasies Say About Your Personality

What Your Sexual Fantasies Say About Your Personality

Our sexual fantasies appear to reflect, at least in part, our personality traits and characteristics. In studying the sex fantasies of more than 4,000 Americans for my book Tell Me What You Want, I found that the Big Five personality factors of openness to experience, conscientiousness, agreeableness, extraversion, and neuroticism were all linked to the types of fantasies people reported having. 

Below, I briefly describe what each of these traits is all about and how they are related to the types of things you’re more (or less) likely to fantasize about:

Read More

7 Things That Predict Higher (Or Lower) Sexual Satisfaction

7 Things That Predict Higher (Or Lower) Sexual Satisfaction

Sex scientists have found that people’s sexual satisfaction seems to depend on a wide range of factors, from how often they’re having sex to the types of sexual activities they’re practicing. Here’s a brief review of some of the key factors that are linked to higher versus lower levels of sexual satisfaction.

Read More

Why Cars Are One Of The Most Popular Places To Have Sex

Why Cars Are One Of The Most Popular Places To Have Sex

People fantasize about having sex in a wide range of settings, but cars are one of the most popular. As some evidence of this, I surveyed more than four thousand Americans about their sexual fantasies for my forthcoming book Tell Me What You Want and found that the vast majority (77%) said they'd fantasized about sex in motor vehicles. Moreover, about 1 in 5 people who took the survey said they had fantasies about this often.

Clearly, cars represent an appealing place to have sex. A lot of people seem to be acting on their car sex fantasies, too.

Read More

What the Most Sexually Satisfied Couples are Doing in (and Out of) Bed

What the Most Sexually Satisfied Couples are Doing in (and Out of) Bed

What keeps passion alive in a long-term relationship? According to a recent study of nearly 40,000 adults (all of whom were heterosexual and currently in romantic relationships), there were five key differences between people who said they were able to keep the passion going and those who weren’t. People who kept the spark alive were more likely to (1) spend time setting the mood, (2) practice sexual communication, (3) receive oral sex, (4) be happier with their relationship in general, and (5) engage in more acts of sexual variety.

While there’s a lot to be said about each of these factors, I want to focus on just one of them in this post—the role of sexual variety.

Read More

Till Porn Do Us Part: Why You Should Be Skeptical of the New Study Claiming Porn Kills Love

Till Porn Do Us Part: Why You Should Be Skeptical of the New Study Claiming Porn Kills Love

A new study published in the Journal of Sex Research reports that when married people start using porn, their odds of getting divorced double. In other words, the results would appear to suggest that porn is inherently destructive to relationships.

Though the findings are provocative and based on longitudinal data from the General Social Survey (which is often a great source of information), I’m just not sold on the conclusion. Here’s why.

Read More

Why We Crave Sexual Novelty--And What It Means For Our Sex Lives

Why We Crave Sexual Novelty--And What It Means For Our Sex Lives

When our interest in sex starts to wane, exposure to a new or novel partner has a way of bringing it back. This phenomenon--formally dubbed the Coolidge Effect--got its name from a popular anecdote about a visit that U.S. President Calvin Coolidge and his wife supposedly made to a chicken farm. The story goes something like this: 

Read More

Is It Healthy To Watch Porn With Your Partner?

Is It Healthy To Watch Porn With Your Partner?

A reader submitted the following question:

“My partner and I have watched porn together in the past and have recently gotten a hentai video game together. After playing it, we had fun sex like we hadn't had in a long time. I worry that we may become dependent on porn to spice up our sex life. Should we be careful, or is this healthy for our relationship?”

Thanks for this very interesting question! First, let me say that you aren’t alone in finding that shared porn use can be sexually exciting. In fact, research has found that people who report watching pornography with their partners tend be more sexually satisfied overall.

Read More

Sex Question Friday: Why Can’t I Maintain Sexual Interest In One Person?

Sex Question Friday: Why Can’t I Maintain Sexual Interest In One Person?

Every Friday on the blog, I answer people’s questions about sex, love, and relationships. This week’s question comes from a male reader who wanted to know the following:

“I seem to have a problem with sexual arousal and women I am emotionally attached to. When I met my wife, we were very sexually active, but that dwindled as we got deeper into our relationship. I thought at first maybe it was my age, but I have found myself aroused over female friends and acquaintances. The good thing is this has never developed into an affair but I would like to figure out what is wrong with me so that my wife and I can be intimate. This problem predates my wife and in the past, my girlfriends would have to at least pretend to indulge a fantasy of a threesome of them being intimate with someone else (dirty talk about it) just for me to get aroused. So I believe there is a correlation between arousal and degrees of familiarity.”

Read More

Sex Question Friday: My Boyfriend Can't Maintain Sexual Interest In One Partner. Can Our Relationship Work?

Every Friday on the blog, I answer people’s questions about sex, love, and relationships. This week’s question comes from a female reader whose boyfriend seems to lose sexual interest in women shortly after sleeping with them. The couple is no longer having sex and she wants to know what, if anything, they can do to save their relationship.
Read More

The Great Porn Experiment

The Great Porn Experiment

In this TEDx video, Gary Wilson discusses his view on how heavy use of online porn may be affecting men’s sex lives. As Wilson points out, accessing pornography through high speed Internet is fundamentally different from how guys used to get their kicks (e.g., by reading Playboy magazine) because it provides a constant barrage of new people and new sexual activities. While I think we can all agree that this is true, the claims he makes about the problematic effects of pornography are debatable.

Read More