Why do we have sexual fantasies? For many of you, the first thought that probably comes to mind is to enhance sexual arousal or to experience pleasure. However, that’s just one of many potential reasons we might fantasize about sex. In this post, we’ll consider the most commonly reported reasons for having a sexual fantasy according to a survey of 4,175 Americans (note that this survey formed the basis for my latest book, Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life).Read More
In a consensually non-monogamous (CNM) relationship, the partners involved agree that having more than one sexual and/or romantic partner at the same time is permissible. Although interest in CNM relationships appears to be on the rise, these relationships continue to be widely stigmatized, with people tending to see them as inferior to monogamous relationships in most ways . This is interesting when you consider that research comparing the quality of CNM to monogamous relationships reveals few differences and suggests that CNM relationships are not inherently less satisfying or stable. Findings like this suggest that perhaps those who view CNM relationships as inferior simply have a difficult time imagining the potential benefits that these relationships afford.
So what exactly are the benefits of a CNM relationship anyway? And how are the benefits similar to or different from those afforded by a monogamous relationship?Read More
In this TED talk, therapist Ester Perel (author of Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence) argues that, in the modern world, married people have come to expect a lot of their spouses. We want our partner to simultaneously be both our best friend and our enduring object of sexual desire. In other words, we want our spouse to fulfill all of our needs, many of which would seem to be in conflict with one another (e.g., the need for stability vs. the need for surprise). Not only that, but we want our partners to do this in an age where humans are living far longer than ever before! So how do we balance these competing needs in a long-term relationship? Check out the video below to learn more.Read More
In a recent New York Times
editorial, author Susan Jacoby laments the increasingly popularity of
cybersex, and other such virtual connections. Jacoby argues that virtual
the sensuality inherent in an in-person sexual encounter and that people
who have sex online are settling for a much lesser experience. She also
implies that the people who are drawn to such behavior suffer from low
self-esteem. Indeed, she (judgmentally) ponders “what does a man really
think of himself when he must feed his ego with phony gasps of erotic
from strangers in a digital vastness? What does a woman think of herself
same arid zone of sex without sensuality?” However, she goes further and
that virtual sex represents an even more problematic behavior for women
for men. Indeed, she claims that “women who settle for digital
lowering their expectations and hopes even more drastically than their
collaborators are.” So are sexting and cybersex really so terrible and
people who engage in these behaviors as pathetic as Jacoby suggests?
Conventional wisdom holds that men think about sex every seven seconds (or about 8,000 times per day, assuming an average of eight hours of sleep), while women think about sex rarely, or perhaps not at all. But is there any truth behind these stereotypes of men as hypersexual and women as hyposexual? A recent study published in the Journal of Sex Research reveals that men think about sex less and women think about sex more than most people assume.