Sex Question Friday: Is It Common To Not Know Your Sexual Orientation?

Sex Question Friday: Is It Common To Not Know Your Sexual Orientation?

A reader submitted the following question:

“Is it normal to not know your sexual orientation?”

This is a really interesting question, so thanks for asking it! I’m going to assume that by “sexual orientation” you’re referring to one’s sexual identity label. Of course, this is not how everyone defines sexual orientation (e.g., some think of it as a pattern of attraction or arousal, others as a pattern of behavior); however, I have found that in everyday (i.e., non-academic) usage, most people are referring to the label we use to describe ourselves, so that’s what I’ll focus on here.

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Sex Question Friday: I Fantasize About Men, But I Enjoy Kissing Women. Am I Bisexual?

Every Friday on the blog, I answer people’s questions about sex, love, and relationships. This week’s question comes from a reader who is struggling with how to label her sexuality.

I have always defined myself as a heterosexual woman. My general "fantasies" are about men. However, my first real kiss was with a girl. I’m now in my 30s and feel weird to be unsure of my sexual identity at this stage of my life, but the truth is I am going to love who I want to love. It could be a man who makes me feel like I am the only woman in the world or it could be an awesome woman. Day to day that changes, and in my head it has nothing to do with their anatomy and everything to do with their personality. My ultimate goal is that I find someone to love me for me and I will love them for them. I really don't care if you are a man or a woman if you make my day better and I do the same for you...isn't that all that matters? So what does that make me? If I need a label on my sexuality, what should it be? I’m just not sure if bisexual is the right term.

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