Sharing and Acting on Group Sex Fantasies: Gender and Sexual Orientation Differences

Sharing and Acting on Group Sex Fantasies: Gender and Sexual Orientation Differences

I surveyed more than 4,000 Americans about their sexual fantasies for my book Tell Me What You Want and I found that group sex was one of the most common things that turned people on, regardless of their gender and sexual orientation. While threesomes were the most popular form of group sex, they were just one of many kinds of group activities that people fantasized about.

In the book, I talk at length about why group sex is such a popular fantasy and what people’s general experiences are like sharing and acting on it. However, when you dig a little deeper into the data, it turns out that the way things go when people share and act on group sex fantasies differs depending upon their gender and sexual orientation. So let’s take a closer look at those results.

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Seven Fascinating Facts About Sexual Fantasies

Seven Fascinating Facts About Sexual Fantasies

I surveyed 4,175 Americans from all 50 states about their sexual fantasies for my book Tell Me What You Want. Participants were asked to describe their favorite sexual fantasy of all time, as well as report on how often they fantasized about hundreds of different people, places, and things. They were also asked extensive questions about their personalities, sexual histories, and demographic backgrounds. The results are a treasure trove of information about what it is that turns us on and why. Here’s a sneak peek at seven of the most fascinating things I found:

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How Does Consent Work In An Orgy?

How Does Consent Work In An Orgy?

There’s a big assumption built into the way most people talk about sexual consent, which is that sex is exclusively a two-person activity. While it’s true that sex most often occurs in pairs, it’s definitely not the case that sex only ever involves two people. Sometimes people have threesomes or participate in orgies or other group encounters. So how does consent work when you have more than two people involved?

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4 Uncommon Sexual Fantasies And What They Mean

4 Uncommon Sexual Fantasies And What They Mean

I have been studying the science of sex for the last ten years. During that time, I’ve learned a lot about what turns people on, from the vanilla to the kinky. 

Just when I thought I’d heard it all, I embarked on a study of sexual desire that ultimately became the largest and most comprehensive survey of sexual fantasies ever conducted in the United States.

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What Your Sexual Fantasies Say About Your Personality

What Your Sexual Fantasies Say About Your Personality

Our sexual fantasies appear to reflect, at least in part, our personality traits and characteristics. In studying the sex fantasies of more than 4,000 Americans for my book Tell Me What You Want, I found that the Big Five personality factors of openness to experience, conscientiousness, agreeableness, extraversion, and neuroticism were all linked to the types of fantasies people reported having. 

Below, I briefly describe what each of these traits is all about and how they are related to the types of things you’re more (or less) likely to fantasize about:

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The Deeper Psychological Meaning Behind Your Sexual Fantasies

The Deeper Psychological Meaning Behind Your Sexual Fantasies

When we hear or read about other people’s sexual fantasies, we have a tendency to focus our attention on the specific act they describe, such as a threesome or bondage, and the physical sensations that go along with it. However, our fantasies are much more complex than this and, often, they go well beyond a desire for purely physical gratification. It turns out that we’re often seeking to meet deeper psychological needs through our fantasies, too. And depending on what your needs are at a given moment, you might very well be drawn to different types of sex fantasies.

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What I Learned By Asking 4,000 Americans About Their Biggest Sex Fantasies

What I Learned By Asking 4,000 Americans About Their Biggest Sex Fantasies

My new book, Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life, will land in bookstores next week (July 10 in the US, to be exact). I couldn't be more thrilled, especially after all the years I spent writing it!

This book is built around a massive survey of sexual fantasies that I spent almost two years working on. I learned a lot in the process of conducting this survey and writing the book, so let me take a moment to share some of the key insights and takeaways. To that end, here's an excerpt from a recent Q&A I did about Tell Me What You Want, which will give you a better sense of what the book is all about and some of the most interesting things I discovered along the way:

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Experiences With BDSM And Group Sex Among Friends With Benefits And Romantic Partners

Experiences With BDSM And Group Sex Among Friends With Benefits And Romantic Partners

Do people engaged in casual, “no strings attached” sexual relationships engage in similar sexual activities compared to people in committed romantic relationships? There is some research to suggest that the answer is yes, at least when looking at relatively conventional sexual practices. For instance, in a 2014 study I published on this subject, I found no differences in experiences with kissing, mutual masturbation, oral sex, vaginal intercourse, and anal intercourse when comparing people who had a friend with benefits (FWBs) to those who had a romantic partner [1].

However, we didn’t inquire about participation in less conventional sexual activities, such as BDSM and group sex. It’s possible that we might see different engagement in these activities based on relationship type, given the fact that these relationships--romances and FWBs--tend to differ in terms of both sexual exclusivity and sexual communication [1].

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How Many Americans Have Had A “Social” Sexual Experience? (Infographic)

How Many Americans Have Had A “Social” Sexual Experience? (Infographic)

When we engage in sexual activity, it's usually with just one other person. Sometimes, however, people engage in “social” sexual experiences in which multiple people are involved in some way. These social sexual activities include everything from visiting strip clubs to participating in threesomes and orgies to attending sex, BDSM, and swinger parties. The prevalence of these social sexual experiences is something that, until now, we haven’t really known that much about. However, a new study published in the journal PLOS ONE offers some insight derived from a recent nationally representative US sample. Check out the infographic below for a look at the numbers and some of the key takeaways. 

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What I Learned By Attending A Sex Conference

What I Learned By Attending A Sex Conference

This past weekend, I attended the annual meeting of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality (SSSS). Although I have been a sex educator and researcher for quite some time, I had never been to an actual sex conference before this and, honestly, I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. However, I am incredibly glad that I went and I will definitely be returning!

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