The Danger of the Orgasmic Imperative

The Danger of the Orgasmic Imperative

Many people are under the impression that all of us are “supposed” to reach orgasm each and every time we have sex. Indeed, when an orgasm does not occur, some people do not even categorize what just happened as sex, because sex without orgasm is often viewed instead as foreplay or “messing around.” As some evidence of this idea, research finds that college students are less likely to classify a given act as “sex” to the extent that orgasm doesn’t occur [1]. That said, others may interpret a lack of orgasm very differently, with some seeing it as a “dysfunction” or a sign of a sexual problem in need of fixing.

This view of orgasm as essential not just to the definition of sex, but also to successful sex creates what has been dubbed the orgasmic imperative.

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Sex Question Friday: How Deep Is The Average Vagina?

Sex Question Friday: How Deep Is The Average Vagina?

A reader submitted the following question:

"How deep is a typical vagina? I hear a lot about penis size, but what about vagina size? Does size vary across nations?"

Thanks for these great questions! You're absolutely right that vaginal size is a topic that hasn't been discussed or researched nearly as often as penis size; however, there is some data out there that can speak to your questions.

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Sex Question Friday: Should You Expect Your Partner To Orgasm During Sex?

Every Friday on the blog, I answer people’s questions about sex, love, and relationships. This week’s question comes from a reader who wanted to know whether it is reasonable to “expect” an orgasm from your partner every time you have sex.

Is it normal for women to expect orgasm (ejaculation) during intercourse from a male partner? And is it natural for men to expect orgasm during intercourse from a female partner?

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Sex Question Friday: Are Multiple Orgasms A Myth?

Every Friday on the blog, I answer people’s questions about sex, love, and relationships. This week’s question comes from a reader who wanted to know more about whether it is truly possible for women to have several orgasms in a row.

Can a woman really orgasm over 20 times in a sexual encounter, or is she just lying?

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Sex Surrogacy: The “Hands-On” Approach to Sex Therapy

“The best therapy for a man suffering impotence…may be a therapist-supplied ‘other woman’ who embodies patience. Actual patience with a willing woman is crucial.” – Quote from the November 1, 1969 San Francisco Chronicle

Some within the sexual health community have argued that the best way to resolve a sexual difficulty is to “practice” with a substitute partner who is very knowledgeable and experienced. Although this idea has garnered a lot of recent attention with the release of the provocative film The Sessions starring Helen Hunt, sex surrogacy first catapulted into the public spotlight in the 1970s when Masters and Johnson publicly advocated for at least some usage of so-called “surrogate” partners in the practice of sex therapy. As part of their pioneering research, Masters and Johnson actually recruited female volunteers to serve as sex surrogates for single men who were experiencing sexual difficulties and achieved a very high rate of success in treating erectile dysfunction. However, this approach was greeted with a great deal of skepticism and concern by both the broader community of sex therapists and the general public alike. So what is the status of sex surrogate therapy today?

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Sex Question Friday: How Long it Takes to Reach Orgasm, the Sexuality Spectrum, and the Sexual Double Standard

Sex Question Friday: How Long it Takes to Reach Orgasm, the Sexuality Spectrum, and the Sexual Double Standard
Every Friday on the blog, I answer a few burning sex questions submitted to me by actual college students. This week, we’re going to talk about how long it takes men and women to achieve orgasm, whether sexual orientation exists on a continuum, and the societal double standard applied to women who are sexually promiscuous.
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