How To Talk To Your Partner About Your Sexual Fantasies

How To Talk To Your Partner About Your Sexual Fantasies

There's a lot we can potentially gain from talking to our partners about our sexual fantasies. Among other things, this has the potential to increase our sexual and relationship satisfaction and to enhance feelings of intimacy and closeness. However, many of us don't quite know how to go about sharing and discussing our fantasies or desires. A lot of people feel too scared, anxious, or embarrassed to do so.

To help you get started, I created the video below, which offers some practical steps and guidelines for starting a productive and healthy conversation on this topic.

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How Many Americans Have Paid For Sex Before?

How Many Americans Have Paid For Sex Before?

Purchasing sex used to be a very common behavior among American men. For example, Alfred Kinsey’s famous studies of human sexual behavior from the 1940s and 50s found that 69% of the men he surveyed had paid for sex at least once! However, more recent studies suggest that the number has dropped significantly as attitudes toward sex outside of marriage have liberalized. In fact, in the 1990s, a nationally representative survey of Americans found that just 16% of men said they had paid for sex before.

So what do the numbers look like today? And how do they compare for men and women? 

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Why Is Porn Inspired By Video Games So Popular?

Why Is Porn Inspired By Video Games So Popular?

It seems as though every time a video game becomes a major hit, porn inspired by that game becomes a big thing. For example, when the PokémonGo craze hit in 2016, “Poképorn”took off. Videos were uploaded to major porn sites featuring animated Pokémon sex, as well as humans having sex while dressed up as their favorite Pokémon characters. Searches for Pokémon were notably higher, too, as reported by sites like Pornhub and xHamster.

Something similar has happened more recently with the popular video game Fortnite, which is a third-person shooter game in case you aren’t familiar with it. Fortnite-inspired porn is apparently in such great demand that “Fortnite” was one of the top 20 most-searched terms on Pornhub in 2018!

So why is that? Why is video game-based porn so popular?

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How Can I Tell If My Partner Is Cheating?

How Can I Tell If My Partner Is Cheating?

Readers of the blog often send me their questions about sex and relationships, and one that I’ve heard several times recently concerns infidelity and whether there are any reliable indicators or red flags that your partner might be unfaithful. For example, one reader asked: “How can you tell if your man is cheating? What are the signs to look for?”

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Are We Really in a “Sex Recession?”

Are We Really in a “Sex Recession?”

A recent study suggests that Americans are having less sex today than they were a quarter-century ago. These findings have received a lot of attention—I covered them on the blog when they were published in 2017, and they’ve been discussed in countless media articles around the world since, culminating in a widely read piece in The Atlantic last month, which took the results to mean that we’re in the midst of a “sex recession.”

But is that really the case?

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Nonconsensual Condom Removal: How Common is “Stealthing?”

Nonconsensual Condom Removal: How Common is “Stealthing?”

In 2017, we added a new word to our sexual vocabulary: stealthing. A paper published in the Columbia Journal of Gender and Law defined it as “nonconsensual condom removal during sexual intercourse” and set off a flurry of media articles announcing it as a new “trend” in sexual behavior. However, we didn’t really have a good sense of the scope of the problem at that time because the original paper that called our attention to stealthing was based on interviews with a small number of victims. 

So just how many people have experienced stealthing anyway? A new study offers some insight.

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The Problem With The "Born This Way" Argument (Video)

The Problem With The "Born This Way" Argument (Video)

Sexual orientation is something that many people consider to be an innate characteristic—it’s something you’re born with. This idea is popular within the LGBTQ community, and it’s something that has been used as a basis for arguing in favor of equal rights for sexual minorities. As the reasoning goes, if you’re “born this way,” then what basis is there for treating people differently based on their sexuality under the law?

There’s a problem with the “born this way” argument, though—actually, there are three problems, as Dr. Lisa Diamond explains in the TEDx video below: “First, it’s not scientifically accurate. Second, it’s not legally necessary. But third and most important, it’s actually unjust.”

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Can Medications and Drugs Be Transferred Through Semen?

Can Medications and Drugs Be Transferred Through Semen?

Readers of the blog frequently send me questions about sex, and I’ve noticed that some of them seem to pop up more often than others. One that I find myself hearing over and over again is whether medications can potentially be transferred from one sexual partner to another through semen. For example, these are just a few of the many questions that I’ve received recently:

“My boyfriend is currently taking prednisone, which I'm allergic to. Will this steroid come to my body through his semen?”

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Sexual Fantasies About Body Fluids: How Many People Have Them?

Sexual Fantasies About Body Fluids: How Many People Have Them?

The human body produces a number of different fluids—and those fluids represent a sexual turn-on for some people. From semen and sweat to blood and breast milk, almost any body fluid you can think of has the potential to become a source of sexual arousal. But just how many people are turned on by each fluid? I explored this question in the data I collected for my book Tell Me What You Want. I surveyed more than 4,000 Americans about their sexual fantasies and, among other things, I asked participants whether they had ever fantasized about several different body fluids.

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We’re In Peak Online Dating Season. Here's Why

We’re In Peak Online Dating Season. Here's Why

The busiest time of year for online dating is the nearly two-month stretch that runs from the day after Christmas through Valentine’s Day. It reaches its peak on the Sunday after New Year’s Day, or “Dating Sunday” as it’s known by those who work in the romance industry. This is consistently the single biggest day of the year for new online dating signups.

So why is that? What’s going on in the first few months of winter that makes people want to couple-up (a phenomenon often referred to in the media as “cuffing season”)?

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What Was Popular In Porn In 2018?

What Was Popular In Porn In 2018?

Pornhub recently released their 2018 year-in-review of users’ viewing habits and the results were fascinating. Among other things, they reported an average of 92 million site visitors per day in 2018, each of whom stayed for an average of 10 minutes and 13 seconds. Also, users uploaded more than 4.7 million videos—so many, in fact, that it would take 115 years to watch all of them. That’s a lot of porn!

You can check out the full report here in all its glory, but if you’re just after a few highlights and some analysis, here are some of the things that stood out to me during my review of the data.

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Happy New Year! Here Are 9 Resolutions For Better Sex In 2019

Happy New Year! Here Are 9 Resolutions For Better Sex In 2019

Every time a new year comes around, people start making resolutions for self-improvement. For example, some of us resolve to lose weight or to get in shape, others vow to quit smoking, and yet others plan to get their finances in order. As you ponder your own personal resolutions for 2019, here's one more that you might wish to adopt: resolve to have better sex this year.

So how might you go about achieving this resolution? Scientific research offers a lot of insight. Here are nine scientifically-backed suggestions for enhancing your sex life in 2019.

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The Year in Sex: The 10 Most-Read Articles on Sex & Psychology in 2018

The Year in Sex: The 10 Most-Read Articles on Sex & Psychology in 2018

As 2018 winds down, let's take a look back at this year's ten most read articles on Sex and Psychology. The following posts represent an incredibly diverse range of content and, combined, have been read hundreds of thousands of times! There were quite a few similarities to last year's list--in fact, the top five articles this year were all on the list somewhere last year. Also, as you'll see, articles related to orgasms, anal sex, and what’s “normal” were especially popular this year, as were articles that addressed questions submitted by readers of the blog (in fact, seven of the top ten articles were Q&As!).

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Eight Things Science Taught Us About Sex In 2018

Eight Things Science Taught Us About Sex In 2018

2018 has been memorable for a lot of reasons—including what science taught us about sex. Here’s a quick recap of some of the most interesting things we learned about sex this year. 

1. The G-Spot probably isn’t what you think it is. 

Scientists recently published one of the largest and most thorough anatomic explorations ever of the area commonly referred to as the G-Spot.

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Christmas Kissing: How Mistletoe Became a Kissing Cue

Christmas Kissing: How Mistletoe Became a Kissing Cue

A lot of people decorate with mistletoe around Christmas, hanging it from the ceiling or over a door. Mistletoe is more than just a holiday decoration, though—it’s also a cue for smooching. People offer kisses to those who stand or walk under it. Have you ever wondered why, though? How did mistletoe come to be associated with kissing anyway? Here’s what we know.

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7 Years of Great Sex: It's the Seventh Blogiversary of Sex and Psychology!

7 Years of Great Sex: It's the Seventh Blogiversary of Sex and Psychology!

It's hard for me to believe this, but Sex and Psychology is now seven years old! When I began blogging in 2011, I had no idea where this journey would take me, but it has been one amazing ride! I'm thrilled that Sex and Psychology has become a widely read and referenced resource on the science of sex. I'm also humbled by all of the opportunities that have emerged as a result of this blog, including the fact that I’m now published in Playboy, VICE, Politico, USA Today, New York Magazine, and more! The blog was also instrumental in landing a major book deal. I can honestly say that Tell Me What You Want wouldn’t have happened without Sex and Psychology!

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Forbidden Fruit: How Many of Us Have Fantasized About Our Partner’s Best Friend? Or Their Sibling?

Forbidden Fruit: How Many of Us Have Fantasized About Our Partner’s Best Friend? Or Their Sibling?

In studying the sex fantasies of more than 4,000 Americans for my book Tell Me What You Want, I discovered that there’s one person who’s more likely to appear in our sexual fantasies than anyone else: a current romantic partner (or, if you’re single, an ex-partner). However, our fantasies aren’t only about our partners. For example, sometimes we fantasize about “forbidden fruit”—you know, people our partners might disapprove of, like their best friend or a sibling. Or perhaps we might fantasize about people that our culture or society would consider off-limits, such as someone else who’s married. 

So just how common are these “forbidden fruit” fantasies ? And do they differ based on gender and/or sexual orientation? Here’s a look at what I found when I dug into the data: 

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Believe It or Not, Nude Psychotherapy Used To Be A Thing—And Even The APA President Supported It

Believe It or Not, Nude Psychotherapy Used To Be A Thing—And Even The APA President Supported It

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine shared an article with me that offered a historical review of the “nude psychotherapy” movement in psychology. Wait—what? As I began to read it, I learned that in the 1960s and 70s, some psychologists were getting naked with their patients with the hope of getting them more in touch with their “true” or “authentic” selves.

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Holiday Shopping Ideas For The Sexy People In Your Life

Holiday Shopping Ideas For The Sexy People In Your Life

If you aren’t quite finished with your holiday shopping or (like me) haven’t even started yet, allow me to make your job a little easier this year. If you're in need of shopping inspiration for the sexy people in your life, here are some sex-themed gift ideas (mostly) inspired by science for everyone on your list.

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Romantic Red: Does Dressing In Red Really Make You More Sexually Attractive?

Romantic Red: Does Dressing In Red Really Make You More Sexually Attractive?

Over the last decade, scientists have published a series of studies claiming that the color red is a sexual signal and that wearing it makes you more attractive to the other sex. However, a new meta-analysis of the research in this area suggests that this claim may be overblown.

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