Sexual fantasies are part of a normal and healthy sex life. The vast majority of people report fantasizing about sex at least occasionally, and more frequent sexual fantasizing is linked to having better sex.1 However, the content of people’s sexual fantasies varies considerably and is a topic most of us find “fascinating” to explore in its own right. This week, I’m sharing a list of sexual fantasies submitted exclusively by readers of The Psychology of Human Sexuality. As you'll see, the content varies considerably. And although research has found that fantasies tend to conform to gender stereotypes, this list reveals at least a few exceptions.
If you would like to submit your fantasy for potential inclusion in a future edition of Fantasy Friday, check out the Reader Survey tab at the top of this page where you can submit your information anonymously and answer a few other interesting questions while you’re at it. Thanks for all of the submissions so far, and happy fantasizing!
10. Heterosexual male: “Watching my wife have sex with someone else.”
9. Heterosexual female: “I guess my sexual fantasy would be more of a ‘romance fantasy.’ Probably enjoying a day at the beach, dancing, drinking a good wine with dinner, and then at night having sex. But I would not put an emphasis on ‘sex’ as much as I would on love, and that I can enjoy whether I'm just holding hands or kissing, and through sex I can get even closer to that person.”
8. Heterosexual female: “Being held down and dominated—but only by someone I trust.”
7. Bisexual female: “Something involving me being a dominatrix, handcuffs, ropes, etc... I think I would prefer having two males being submissive and I can tell them what I want them to do. I like power.”
6. Heterosexual male: “Having fulfilling sex with my partner, with her accepting to try new things once in a while.”
5. Heterosexual female: “My biggest fantasy would be to be treated like a sex slave by a number of men. I would dress up in high heels, a small sexy apron, hair tied up. They would all be dressed as I served them drinks. If they wanted something sexual I would have to comply. All the others watching, getting turned on. My partner would be there, directing me and them to touch me, lick me, kiss me...I would have to comply with all the requests.”
4. Heterosexual female: “My fantasy would be to reach orgasm through oral stimulation only.”
3. Bisexual female: “Being thrown on a desk at work and having crazy fast sex.”
2. Heterosexual male: “Having sex with another man.”
1. Unlabeled female: “Having my boyfriend lead me naked into a hotel room while blindfolded, feel him start feeling my body, then realizing that there are too many hands and smelling the unmistakable scent and touch of both of my boyfriends and another man who is also intimately aware of how my body responds to him. I would have them caress my body for as long as it feels good to me, with me relaxed and fully accepting of the pleasure they're giving me, without guilt or worries, or any need whatsoever to keep the sounds of my pleasure at a reasonable volume.”
To read more sexual fantasies, see A Top Ten List of Women’s Sexual Fantasies and A Top Ten List of Men’s Sexual Fantasies. To learn about how men's and women's fantasies differ, check out this article.
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1Leitenberg, H., & Henning, K. (1995). Sexual fantasy. Psychological Bulletin, 117, 469-496.